A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW

Over the past few weeks, I've been working to put together Lauren's photo books. Before I had her, I had always planned to do a photobook a month for her first year. When I was making them, I stopped cold at 5 months old. I couldn't look at the photos long enough without crying to be able to put them into a book. But it is amazing what a groupon deadline can do for a person. I sat down, cried when I needed to and put the book together.

The whole process has actually been incredibly cathartic. There was one night that I totally lost it and sobbed for the life I had planned for Lauren but I think I really needed that. When the book arrived, it was hard to see but I could look through it and also see the cuteness, the funny smiles and the progress that Lauren made.

A few days ago, Lauren and I drove past Children's Hospital and, rather than having heavy feelings about her time there, I reached back and asked for a high five. I got quite a few in response. That girl loves a high five!

Lauren's official report for her last cardiac checkup showed up in the mail as well and it was encouraging to see her improvements written there in black and white.
"This is a followup note on Lauren who, since her last visit in April, continues to improve."
"She is very interactive and alert and her pulses and vital signs seem fine."
"Her ECG shows mild improvement...."
"The myocardium inferior to this area is normal and the contractile motion of the heart is improving on each assessment."
And I think this one is my favourite because of the tone of surprise:
"Her echocardiogram shows good left ventricular function which is now actually in the normal range."

It is nice being able to look at her fight as something that is farther and farther in the rearview mirror. Sometimes when I think about it, I feel like maybe I'm just being overdramatic by thinking that she almost died because that doesn't really happen, does it? But it did. And I love that it is getting hard to believe that it did.